Control Freak

I like things to be the way that I like them to be. Don’t you?

So on Friday morning, when my phone died just as I was about to leave the house, I totally panicked. I can’t believe how stressed I got, thinking about all the things I had on that day, and how will I manage without having my smartphone attached to my right hand. Particularly because I wanted to be available for my kids. I think a part of it stems from being alone in this country, without our families, and the thought of not being able to contact Ben in case of an emergency.

I literally had tears in my eyes as I dropped Ben off at the train station, feeling afraid of being left alone.

But you know what?

Not even ten minutes later I was already holding a new temporary phone in my hand. I took a deep breath, and drove to a friend’s house to drop off Ori so that I could attend a yoga class with my favourite teacher, all the way thinking ‘it’s ok, thank you universe for always looking after me, for always being with me, loving me and finding solutions for me’. Five minutes later, I arrived at my friend’s house, and her little girl opened the door for me - holding an old phone in her hand which she used to play music with (and it was exactly the same phone as mine!)

Little coincidences like that make me feel soooo connected.

I love believing that everything is always working out for me. It makes me feel so safe and helps me let go of the need to control how everything will work in my life. Having this deep sense of trust, really allows me to flow with my day, instead of worrying about things that I can not control.

Last week, together with the mind blowing amazing full moon, I was flying high! Feeling amazing, getting things done, loving my life, enjoying my days, not getting upset with my kids, so having this phone thing affect me so much felt really out of whack. And I could tell how much I got affected by it, even after I had the temporary phone and went about my day, just by noticing that I let other things get to me (like my kids ;-)). But after thinking about it I realised that even though my day didn’t feel as high as the days before, it was still pretty high in my book :-)

My low was not even close to my previous lows, and it just makes me believe even more in the power of meditation, positive intention and self reflection. Most of you reading this now don’t know me for more than ten years. Let me tell you, my lows used to be as low as they get. And slowly, gently, with time and passion for a happy life, I am feeling so proud of myself climbing those steps to a higher vibration.

So what can I take from this experience?

The same old idea that when shit happens, we can take a moment to snap ourselves out of feeling overwhelmed and even if it is only for one moment - allow ourselves to believe that something good can and will come out of it.

When I’m driving my car and there is someone in front of me going super duper annoyingly slow, I now say thank you in my heart, and feel grateful for the universe slowing me down, for whatever reason. I don’t even need to know the reason. I believe it’s for my own good.

Practicing this idea on a “small” thing like traffic, really helps me remember it when something bigger happens.

Are you a control freak? Or are you willing to let go sometimes, and start believing?

With love,

Miri

* Update: right after writing this I went to the repair shop to fix my phone - and it was working fine!! What did I get out of it? A new blog post :-)