It’s been a hectic couple of months for our family. We’ve just moved house, my big boy started school, my other big boy toilet trained himself and started going to childcare, there’s lots to do and organise and take care of, and when you add a husband with a cold and sore neck, summer heat and kids not going to sleep till really, really late to that, you get stress. I got stressed. I got so stressed without even realising, that I’ve totally lost touch with my easy going fun loving nature. And by that I mean, yelling at the kids allot. Being super impatient when they don’t do what I want, now, and just overall grumpy.
At the same time I really feel like I’m letting myself believe more and more that god loves me. God, the universe, the force, whatever you want to call it, it loves me. I am loved. I am soooo loved, that I can’t actually be more loved. I am loved to infinity and beyond and there is nothing that I can do to make it love me more.
And there’s nothing that I can do to make it not love me.
I feel energetically connected to all that there is. I am a part of it. I am it. And I’m not going to screw anything up by doing things “incorrectly”. I believe that I’m here for the experience. For the joy of making choices and living my life.
I've got heaps of proof in my life of how loved I am. Different people to show me every day how much they care, adventures that spark more joy within me and a growing sense of gratitude and appreciation. Countless moments of pure love. I believe that I get to choose what I want to focus on and that life would bring me more opportunities to let those things shine.
So I was really feeling out of alignment in a much stronger way this past month, and it made me realise that I wasn’t 100% believing that I am loved. I had let all of my insecurities and self judgment keep me away from the love that I so longed for. I had to really let myself contemplate the possibility that I am loved even when I feel unworthy or undeserving. I thought of the love that I have for my kids and tried to think of myself as the child of god. I was never religious in any way, but I find this idea so soothing that I choose to accept it fully.
In order to get out of the downward spiral I was getting into, I had to let go. Let go of the self criticism and let in the knowing that I am always loved. Even when I think that I don't love myself.
But if I am truly connected to all that is, if I am an extension of the non-physical part of me who loves me unconditionally, and if I am truly free to choose my thoughts, then I am also free to love myself.
I am free to love myself.
Do you believe?
Do you believe you are loved always, no matter what?
This changes everything for me. If I could live my life every day remembering this, then I would make decisions out of love, and I would meet people with love, and I would guide my kids through and into the path of love.
What do you believe?